8 June 2003
Har-Mar Cinema

I WENT TO SEE THIS MOVIE after reading a favorable review on Salon.com. Apparently (I thought to myself) this was a semi-subtle crime thriller that had the good fortune to include a car chase with, not one, but three! of the new Mini Coopers. What fun! (I thought to myself.) I had some reservations about the cast, however. Charleze Theron's acting ability is borderline Costner, and has "Marky" Mark Wahlberg ever played anything other than a rube? But, Edward Norton is also in this movie (I thought to myself) and so I had reasonably high hopes.


But these hopes were soon dashed. Yes, to be sure there were Mini Coopers - four of them, no less. And while the chase scenes were well set amidst the Los Angeles subway tunnels, whoever edited the movie did a crap job; I never lost my grip on reality, or gripped the edge of my seat. Add to that bad acting and a predictable plot and you get an unexciting movie. (What was I expecting?)


Compare this to the Bourne Identity, which was creepily similar. Both were crime movies with a Mini-Cooper chase scene featuring a young, blond tough smartie. The big difference must have been in the directing. Just like Charlie's Angels, the latest Bond, and any of the Bruckheimer movies, I felt like the film just wasn't trying to be interesting. There was precious little character development, and instead offered up precursory introductory scenes (told in flashback) where we learn a bit about the past of each character. For example, Seth Green's character, the "computer whiz," claimed to have invented Napster in college. (Wait, didn't Al Gore invent Napster?) But, with the exception of the love interest and the villian, we know absolutely nothing about the motivations of any of these people. Why are they criminals? Is it random chance? Did their career guidance counselor tell them to become "pyrotechnics experts" in Jr. High?


Anyway, the movie was dissapointing. Even the myriad Minis couldn't make me happy. I had nothing to do on Sunday, so who cares anyway?


Nutritional Equivalent: A Honey Bacon Club at Quiznos